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September 6th, 2010

08:11 am
I cannot play FFXIV any longer. The game is beautiful. It is wonderful to play. I have fun with every single aspect of the system. But the coding is so horrific and the server lag is... Even on the 'good', 'new' server, it takes my system up to two minutes for NPCs to rez in. And I don't know if that's my computer, I don't know if that's the servers, I don't know what's causing it. But when simple interaction keeps me from doing anything? I want to keep playing. I want to so badly. But the only game I've seen worse than this, with this sort of I don't know what was Tabula Rasa.

I want to play. I want to PLAY. I want to bury myself headfirst in the crafting system and not come out for days. I want to be a level 50 Disciple of the Hand before beta ends. I don't know what's wrong. If it's my computer (and my computer's not great, but I've only seen three games that've run this badly, and those were Tabula Rasa, All Points Bulletin, and FFXIV) I can accept that. I've got an AMD dualcore 2.0 processor, 1.5 gigs of DDR1 RAM, and a Radeon HD 4670 512 meg video card. It's not great, but I can run just about anything I care to. I've got 350k/s down 150k/s up DSL. It's not great but it's never caused a problem in any other game. These all meet the minimum requirements. I should have the minimum requirements right here to run the game on the lowest settings just fine, which I do - I'm happy just to be able to play.

I'm scared, a little - I see a wonderful, excellent game here, and I can't tell if it's my computer that's screwing it up.. or if SqueEnix is making a wonderful game buried beneath horrible code.

I'm sitting here looking at the LOTRO load-in screen going 'Fuck I don't wanna play this, I want to play FFXIV.' It's like comparing ground chuck to top sirloin steak, but it's a sirloin steak I get to take a tiny bite of once every 15-20 minutes, whereas I can have all the chuck I want.

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January 2nd, 2010

11:15 am
So. New year. Whoop. Christmas was ok, if anyone was wondering - nothing spectacular, but some solid 'yeah, that's pretty good' happened. I'm still not talking to the foxie, and today was the first time I'd thought of him in a week or so. I'm getting to that happy point where the time we spent together don't come to mind so often. That's a good thing.

Ah, life. Um, it is the same as it's been for a while, now - I have a penny-ante job answering texted questions for kgbkgb, I had bronchitis a few months ago, I've lost a few pounds of weight (woo) but otherwise things are very very much as they were at the beginning of this year. Not that I don't have hope that things'll get better, but I swear, if I keep getting sleepier and sleepier, I'm not gonna do anything. Not a 'I need to sleep' sleepy, but a 'I have no physical energy' sleepy. Maybe it's the winter.

Anyway, things are ok. Shit, there's not a lot of me to talk about, to be honest. If anybody still reads this thing, put me up a message in the comments.

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September 21st, 2009

10:17 am
So I guess I should say something here about my last post back in August. Some time back a friend of mine told me that when it comes to changing yourself, if you start with even the tiniest steps, you'll get somewhere. So when I found out that same friend was breaking my heart, I threw him out of my life.

It's been a month now. I feel considerably better than I did last time I did this a month in. Life goes on. At least, mine does, and that's the important one. I'm actually enjoying looking for a relationship this time - it's on my own terms, I don't have that nagging 'needy' feeling right now, and I'm doing ok. Every so often I get this sick addicted feeling like, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him or myself, maybe I should undo the bans and the stuff.... nah. I have to be hard on myself right now in order to deal with this. Like any proper addiction, going cold turkey is the most horrific and painful way to deal with it, but it also tends to be the one that works the most - it implies that the sick person intends to deal with things themselves, that they have a will to cure themselves. Now if only they made love and companionship patches you could wear on your penis.

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August 13th, 2009

11:23 am
The one time I need someone to talk to and there's nobody on. I think I'm having a breakdown. I just want to die and get it over with. I'm having to post on this shitty Livejournal just to have some outlet of some sort.

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11:20 am
I don't think I've ever been this depressed in my entire life. I am completely worthless and all my hopes and dreams for the future have vanished, and there's not a god damn thing I can do about it.

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April 17th, 2009

07:58 pm

so. I read the entire comic, both arcs. my thoughts:

the comic is fun (really, really fun, actually a lot more than I let on), but one thing keeps me from enjoying it to the fullest.

The RP looks amazing. (crunchy, intricate, engaged, and awesome.) I want to get into it, except for one thing, which I will now mention.

****ing Christ, Not Drow Again.

I hate elves. I hate RPing elves. My favorite description of elves: 'Strong of arm, stern of mien, swift of foot, wise in the way of the world, the entire race has the collective intelligence of lettuce and the personality of a soggy biscuit.'

but I REALLY HATE DROW. They are.. christ. They are the Vulcans of Star Trek, the Grey Jedi of Star Wars, the chakat race to furries, the.. the.. the 'perfect' people, the 'we do everything better than you. Why? Because we're just BETTER.' And I hate that.

Rewind: early '90s, dude named R.A. Salvatore releases the Cleric Quintet, a truly awesome set of stories set in the Forgotten Realms, about a Chosen of Deneir named Cadderly and his monk-in-training girlfriend Danica. Really excellent books, and so TSR's like 'dood, you gotta write more for us!'. So he does. Fast forward a little, because I'm bored, and you have this drow, because R.A.'s looking for a little biodiversity in his group. Drizzt Do'Urden.

God, how I have grown to hate that name.

I heard it constantly during the mid 90s. A strong, proud warrior with a streak of WAAAAangst a mile wide running through him, and then suddenly there's a F***ing Ton of books about him. (the original Crystal trilogy ((good trilogy, mind you.)), the Menzoberrazan trilogy, the Underdark trilogy (( SIX BOOKS. SIX BOOKS OF BACKSTORY FOR ONE CHARACTER. F*** ME IN THE OZARKS.)) then another.. what was it, 6 solo novels about him after that, ooh, ooh, ooh, and then don't forget Liriel Baenre, yeah, THERE'S a winner. And that was when I ceased to care. Not just about Drizzt, not just about the drow, not just about the Forgotten Realms (which I love), but about the entire god-blessed drow race.))

But I couldn't get away. Suddenly there's drow everywhere. Any time a fantasy video game designer in the mid 90s - early 00s needed a highly skilled fantasy army that (supposedly) evoked 'terror!', there were 'dark elves'. Oh, god, and none of them were any better. (Well, one. Just one. Viconia DeVir. But this is more because I loved the hell out of me some Baldur's Gate/BGII, and the writers for that game had her dialogue down PAT.)

It's not just this, either. For a long time, I had despised elves, or rather, anyone who RPed elves. This is not a normal thing, y'see, my first exposure to elves proper was the Dragonlance Chronicles, and the elves in that story were GOOD. I go back now and I read it and it's not as good, but it's still light reading. But every time I ran into someone roleplaying or writing elves after that, they weren't playing elves. Elves are not human. They are an alien race, with concepts we cannot always understand. Elves are supposed to be mysterious and unknowable to our ken. (hey, see this? This is my RP Snob, up front and screaming.) But Every God-Damn Time I saw them being written or played, they were Humans With Ears. NO! NOOO, DAMMIT! C'MON!

so. I don't know if it's a good thing.. no, no, I'll take that back. I know it's not good that I feel this way. It's standing in the way of me enjoying a perfectly awesome webcomic and what could be a good RP. But every time I look at it I think 'but it's DROW!' and my inner instincts for good roleplay and concepts all cringe simultaneously in pain and repressed terror. So.. I think I'm gonna spend the next few days discussing this issue and spamming this post out to a few other places and maybe come up with a concerted idea as to whether I should start grinding down this mental block or reinforcing the crap outta it.

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March 6th, 2009

03:42 pm
O Lord, thank you for allowing me to live a life of simple beauty. Thank you for allowing me to live in peace and quiet and simplicity, a life filled with good friends and beautiful music and moments of perfect harmony. Allow me to continue living my simple life in stillness and love and kindness, a life with good-natured chaos and love and beautiful moments. If you asked me what I wanted most of all, I will answer: -This-.

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February 26th, 2009

04:23 am
Oh, guys. I just found out something important. You know how you're supposed to clean the outside of your monitor to improve how it looks? You're also supposed to clean the inside, too. I found something that'll help get the inside clean as well. here. http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

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February 4th, 2009

08:44 am - Also, note.

... I think I'd throw myself at this girl dick-first and pray for miracles. The fact that I can't get the mods that this mod requires to work properly is a god damn shame. I cannot for the life of me figure out how Corean Race fits in with Cobl Races and TNR and FCOM: Convergence, and you can forget HCEG/TeamFF Fantasy Figures/MaleBodyReplacer4. weep.

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07:52 am - Update.
Have I mentioned my YouTube channel on here?


Everyone should go here and see everything I've been doing lately. And watch and favorite all my videos. All of 'em.

So, let's see.

Life is good. Cold right now, since it snowed last night, and it's white everywhere, but it's nice.

What've I been up to.. I've sort of put off jobhunting for a few months. I don't want to stop, but with the economy in its current state, and with how many places are closing up around here I just got worn down by it.

Christmas was.. well, sort of good, and sort of bad, but mostly good. My family gave me money and clothes and worthless camping gear and the like. My friends online sent me games on Steam and gift certificates for hard drives. My Worst Dirty Santa '08 sent me stuffed animals and godawful games and manga. I bought the Dawn of War series. Also picked up Left 4 Dead, and a few other things.

My old hard drive, my Windows drive, died, hard. Grinding, scratching, crashing hard. Thank goodness for my Christmas present drive.

Spent 2 weeks recently playing Civilization IV: Fall From Heaven 2, and then a few days playing its modmod, Fall From Heaven 2: Fall Further. Nothing but that, and a little Spelunky. (Google it.) As I type this, my friend Ice (who got me into this) is currently modding Fall Further, and calling his beta build 'Fall Flat'. It's funny.

I'm getting into The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Well, I say I am, but I haven't really really played the game yet - I own Morrowind, and the great joy of Morrowind is modding the thing, and holy sheep shit of hell damn piss fuckboots ironcock does Oblivion have a massive modding community. I'm sure The Sims 2 has a larger one.. but not by much. So, I've been downloading mods. and more mods. and more mods. and more mods. and more mods. And then I dumped them all into my 'this folder holds mods' folder and then Shift-Deleted that folder because I'd been awake for 24+ hours downloading and installing mods. looool. And then after BOSSing and OBMMing and Wrye Bashing and finding out I have googly eyes and the Mystic Elf custom race drops my FPS to the toilet and BOSSing more and OBMMing more and Wrye Bashing more, I finally decided 'ya know what, fuck this. I want my mods back, and I wanna do this one piece at a time.'

so, I'm - guess what - downloading mods. and downloading mods. and downloading mods.

oblivion is fun. I know it. weep.

I got into the PCA group on FA. That's fun.

Been thinking about Squigglz and Shizouka on LJ. Never really talked to either of them a lot, but I still think about them.

Right. I got distracted downloading more mods, so, I'm gonna take off. I'm gonna try to put up more stuff on YouTube, but it will probably be another month or two before I post here. C'est la vie. See you all around on AIM or YouTube or here or wherever.

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